The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening Chapter Fourteen

Elena felt up her flesh creep at the words.You dont mean that, she verbalise shakily. She toy withed what she had seen on the roof, the blood line smeared on Stefans lips, and she forced herself not to shrivel from him. Stefan, I go you. You couldnt have through with(p) thatHe ignored her protestations, just went on staring with eye that burned kindred the green ice at the bottom of a glacier. He was looking through her, into or so incomprehensible distance. As I lay in bed that night, I hoped against hope that she would come. already I was noticing some of the limitings in myself. I could see better in the dark it seemed I could hear better. I felt stronger than ever before, full of some elemental energy. And I was hungry.It was a hunger I had never imagined. At dinner I found that ordinary food and drink did null to pander it. I couldnt understand that. And indeed I saw the white neck of star of the serving girls, and I knew why. He drew a long breath, his eyes dark a nd tortured. That night, I resisted the need, though it took whole my will. I was thinking of Katherine, and praying she would come to me. Praying He gave a short laugh. If a creature like me can pray.Elenas fingers were benumbed within his grasp, solitary(prenominal) when she tried to tighten them, to send him reassurance. Go on, Stefan.He had no trouble speaking now. He seemed virtually to have forgotten her mien, as if he were spoting this story to himself.The next morning the need was stronger. It was as if my own veins were dry and cracked, desperate for moisture. I knew that I couldnt stand it for long.I went to Katherines chambers. I meant to ask her, to plead with her- His voice cracked. He paused and and so went on. however Damon was on that point already, waiting external her rooms. I could see thathe hadnt resisted the need. The glow of his skin, the spring in his step, told me that. He looked as smug as the cat whos had the cream. still he hadnt had Katherine . Knock all you like, he said to me, solely the female dragon inside wont permit you past. Ive tried already. Shall we overpower her, you and I?I wouldnt answer him. The look on his reflexion, that sly, self-satisfied look, repelled me. I pounded on that door to wake He faltered, and then gave an new(prenominal)(prenominal) humorless laugh. I was going to say, to wake the dead. But the dead arent so hard to wake after all, are they? After a moment, he went on.The maid, Gudren, overt the door. She had a face like a flat white plate, and eyes like black glass. I asked her if I could see her mistress. I expected to be told that Katherine was asleep, but instead Gudren just looked at me, then at Damon over my shoulder. I would not tellhim , she said at last, but I will tell you. My lady Katerina is not within. She went out early this morning, to walk in the gardens. She said she had much need of estimation.I was surprised. Early this morning? I said. Yes, she replied. She looked at both(prenominal) Damon and me without liking. My mistress was in truth unhappy last night, she said meaningfully. All night long, she wept.When she said that, a strange sense of touch came over me. It wasnt just shame and mourning that Katherine should be so unhappy. It was fear. I forgot my hunger and weakness. I even forgot my enmity for Damon. I was filled with haste and a great driving urgency. I sour to Damon and told him that we had to find Katherine, and to my surprise he just nodded.We began to search the gardens, calling Katherines name. I remember just what everything looked like that day. The sun was shining on the high cypress trees and the pines in the garden. Damon and I hurried between them, pitiable more and more quickly, and calling. We kept calling herElena could feel the tremors in Stefans body, communicated to her through his tightly gripping fingers. He was breathing rapidly but shallowly.We had closely reached the end of the gardens when I remembered a p lace that Katherine had loved. It was a little way out onto the grounds, a low seawall beside a lemon tree. I started there, shouting for her. But as I got closer, I stopped shouting. I felt a fear-a terrible premonition. And I knew I essentialnt-mustnt go-Stefan said Elena. He was hurting her, his fingers biting into her own, crushing them. The tremors racing through his body were growing, be culmination shudders. Stefan, pleaseBut he gave no sign that he perceive her. It was like-a nightmare-everything happening so slowly. I couldnt move-and yet I had to. I had to keep walking. With each step, the fear grew stronger. I could smell it. A smell like burned fat. I mustnt go there-I dont want to see it-His voice had become high and urgent, his breath coming in gasps. His eyes were wide and dilated, like a terrified childs. Elena gripped his viselike fingers with her other hand, enfolding them completely. Stefan, its all the reform way. Youre not there. Youre here with me.I dont w ant to see it-but I cant help it. Theres something white. Something white under the tree. Dont piddle external me look at itStefan, Stefan, look at meHe was beyond hearing. His words came in heaving spasms, as if he could not control them, could not ticktack them out fast enough. I cant go any closer-but I do. I see the tree, the wall. And that white. Behind the tree. White with gold underneath. And then I know, I know, and Im moving toward it because its her dress. Katherines white dress. And I get around the tree and I see it on the ground and its true. Its Katherines dress,-his voice rose and broke in unimaginable horror-but Katherine isnt in it.Elena felt a chill, as if her body had been plunged into ice water. Her skin rose in goose-flesh, and she tried to speak to him but couldnt. He was rattling on as if he could keep the terror away if he kept on talking.Katherine isnt there, so maybe its all a joke, but her dress is on the ground and its full of ashes. Like the ashes in the hearth, just like that, only these smell of burned flesh. They stink. The smell is making me sick and faint. Beside the sleeve of the dress is a piece of diploma. And on a rock, on a rock a little way away is a ring. A ring with a spicy st mavin, Katherines ring. Katherines ring Suddenly, he called out in a terrible voice, Katherine, what have youdone ? Then he fell to his knees, releasing Elenas fingers at last, to bury his face in his hands.Elena held him as he was gripped by wracking sobs. She held his shoulders, pulling him to her lap. Katherine took the ring off, she whispered. It was not a question. She exposed herself to the sun.His harsh sobs went on and on, as she held him to the full skirts of the blue gown, stroking his quivering shoulders. She murmured nonsense meant to soothe him, pushing away her own horror. And, presently, he quieted and lifted his head. He spoke thickly, but he seemed to have returned to the present, to have come back.The parchment was a poin t out, for me and for Damon. It said she had been selfish, wanting to have both of us. It said-she couldnt pack to be the cause of strife between us. She hoped that once she was gone we would no longer hate each other. She did it to bring us together.Oh, Stefan, whispered Elena. She felt burning tears fill her own eyes in sympathy. Oh, Stefan, Im so sorry. But dont you see, after all this time, that what Katherine did was wrong? It was selfish, even, and it washer choice. In a way, it had nothing to do with you, or with Damon.Stefan shook his head as if to shake off the truth of the words. She gave her life for that. We killed her. He was sitting up now. But his eyes were still dilated, great disks of black, and he had the look of a small bewildered boy.Damon came up behind me. He took the note and read it. And then-I think he went mad. We were both mad. I had picked up Katherines ring, and he tried to take it. He shouldnt have. We struggled. We said terrible things to each other. We each demonic the other for what had happened. I dont remember how we got back to the house, but suddenly I had my sword. We were fighting. I wanted to destroy that arrogant face forever, to kill him. I remember my father shouting from the house. We fought harder, to finish it before he reached us.And we were well matched. But Damon had perpetually been stronger, and that day he seemed faster, too, as if he had changed more than I had. And so while my father was still shouting from the window I felt Damons blade get past my guard. Then I felt it enter my heart.Elena stared, aghast, but he went on without pause. I felt the pain of the steel, I felt it stab through me, deep, deep inside. All the way through, a hard thrust. And then the strength poured out of me and I fell. I lay there on the paved ground.He looked up at Elena and finished simply, And that is how I died.Elena sat frozen, as if the ice shed felt in her chest earlier tonight had flooded out and trapped her.Damon came and stood over me and bent down. I could hear my fathers cries from far away, and screams from the household, but all I could see was Damons face. Those black eyes that were like a moonless night. I wanted to hurt him for what he had done to me. For everything he had done to me, and to Katherine. Stefan was quiet a moment, and then he said, almost dreamily, And so I lifted my sword and I killed him. With the last of my strength, I stabbed my brother through the heart.The surprise had moved on, and through the broken window Elena could hear round the bend night noises, the chirp of crickets, the wind sifting through trees. In Stefans room, it was very still.I knew nothing more until I woke up in my tomb, said Stefan. He leaned back, away from her, and shut his eyes. His face was pinched and weary, but that awful childlike dreaminess was gone. twain Damon and I had had just enough of Katherines blood to keep us from truly dying. Instead we changed. We woke together in our tomb, dre ssed in our best clothing, laid on slabs side by side. We were too weak to hurt each other anymore the blood had been just barely enough. And we were confused. I called to Damon, but he ran outside into the night.Fortunately, we had been buried with the rings Katherine had wedded us. And I found her ring in my pocket. As if unconsciously, Stefan reached up to stroke the golden circlet. I suppose they thought she had given it to me.I tried to go home. That was stupid. The servants screamed at the sight of me and ran to fetch a priest. I ran, too. Into the only place where I was safe, into the dark.And that is where Ive stayed ever since. Its where I belong, Elena. I killed Katherine with my self-conceit and my jealousy, and I killed Damon with my hatred. But I did worse than kill my brother. I damned him.If he hadnt died then, with Katherines blood so strong in his veins, he would have had a chance. In time the blood would have grown weaker, and then passed away. He would have beco me a normal human again. By killing him then, I condemned him to live in the night. I took away his only chance of salvation.Stefan laughed bitterly. Do you know what the name Salvatore means in Italian, Elena? It means salvation, savior. Im named that, and for St. Stephen, the first Christian martyr. And I damned my brother to hell.No, said Elena. And then, in a stronger voice, she said, No, Stefan. He damned himself. He killedyou . But what happened to him after that?For a while he joined one of the Free Companies, ruthless mercenaries whose business was to rob and plunder. He wandered across the country with them, fighting and drinking the blood of his victims.I was living beyond the city gate by then, half starved, preying on animals, an animal myself. For a long time, I heard nothing about Damon. Then one day I heard his voice in my mind.He was stronger than I, because he was drinking human blood. And killing. Humans have the strongest life essence, and their blood gives power. And when theyre killed, somehow the life essence they give is strongest of all. Its as if in those last moments of terror and struggle the soul is the most vibrant. Because Damon killed humans, he was able to draw on the Powers more than I was.What powers? said Elena. A thought was growing in her mind.Strength, as you said, and quickness. A sharpening of all the senses, especially at night. Those are the basics. We can also feel minds. We can sense their presence, and sometimes the temper of their thoughts. We can cast confusion about weaker minds, either to overwhelm them or to bend them to our will. There are others. With enough human blood we can change our shapes, become animals. And the more you kill, the stronger all the Powers become.Damons voice in my mind was very strong. He said he was now the condottieri of his own company and he was coming back to Florence. He said that if I was there when he arrived he would kill me. I believed him, and I left. Ive seen him once or t wice since then. The threat is always the same, and hes always more powerful. Damons made the most of his nature, and he seems to glory in its darkest side.But its my nature, too. The same darkness is inside me. I thought that I could surmount it, but I was wrong. Thats why I came here, to Fells Church. I thought if I settled in some small town, far away from the old memories, I might escape the darkness. And instead, tonight, I killed a man. No, said Elena forcefully. I dont believe that, Stefan. His story had filled her with horror and pity and fear, too. She admitted that. But her disgust had vanished, and there was one thing she was sure about. Stefan wasnt a murderer. What happened tonight, Stefan? Did you argue with Tanner?I dont remember, he said bleakly. I used the Power to persuade him to do what you wanted. Then I left. But later I felt the dizziness and the weakness come over me. Asit has before. He looked up at her directly. The last time it happened was in the cemetery , right by the church, the night Vickie Bennett was violateed.But you didnt do that. Youcouldnt have done that Stefan?I dont know, he said harshly. What other explanation is there? And I did take blood from the old man under the bridge, that night you girls ran away from the graveyard. I would have sworn I didnt take enough to harm him, but he almost died. And I was there when both Vickie and Tanner were attacked.But you dont remember attacking them, said Elena, relieved. The idea that had been growing in her mind was now almost a certainty.What difference does it make? Who else could have done it, if not me?Damon, said Elena.He flinched, and she saw his shoulders tighten again. Its a nice thought. I hoped at first that there might be some explanation like that. That it might be someone else, someone like my brother. But Ive searched with my mind and found nothing, no other presence. The simplest explanation is that Im the killer.No, said Elena, you dont understand. I dont just mea n that someone like Damon might do the things weve seen. I mean Damon is here, in Fells Church. Ive seen him.Stefan just stared at her.It must be him, Elena said, taking a deep breath. Ive seen him twice now, maybe three times. Stefan, you just told me a long story, and now Ive got one to tell you.As quickly and simply as she could, she told him about what had happened in the gym, and at Bonnies house. His lips tightened into a white line as she told him how Damon had tried to kiss her. Her cheeks grew hot as she remembered her own response, how she had almost given in to him. But she told Stefan everything.About the crow, too, and all the other strange things that had happened since she had come home from France.And, Stefan, I think Damon was at the Haunted House tonight, she finished. skilful after you felt dizzy in the front room, someone passed me. He was dressed up like-like Death, in black robes and a hood, and I couldnt see his face. But something about the way he moved was familiar. It was him, Stefan. Damon was there.But that still wouldnt explain the other times. Vickie and the old man. Idid take blood from the old man. Stefans face was taut, as if he were almost afraid to hope.But you said yourself you didnt take enough to harm him. Stefan, who knows what happened to that man after you left? Wouldnt it be the easiest thing in the world for Damon to attack him then? Especially if Damons been spying on you all along, maybe in some other formLike a crow, murmured Stefan.Like a crow. And as for Vickie Stefan, you said that you can cast confusion over weaker minds, overpower them. Couldnt that be what Damon was doing to you? Overpowering your mind as you can overpower a humans?Yes, and shielding his presence from me. There was mounting excitement in Stefans voice. Thats why he hasnt answered my calls. He wanted-He wanted just whats happened to happen. He wanted you to doubt yourself, to think you were a killer.But it isnt true, Stefan . Oh, Stefan, you know that now, and you dont have to be afraid anymore. She stood up, feeling joy and relief course through her. Out of this hideous night, something wonderful had come.Thats why youve been so yonder with me, isnt it? she said, holding out her hands to him. Because youre afraid of what you might do. But theres no need for that any longer.Isnt there ? He was breathing quickly again, and he eye her outstretched hands as if they were two snakes. You think theres no reason to be afraid? Damon may have attacked those people, but he doesnt control my thoughts. And you dont know what Ive thought about you.Elena kept her voice level. You dont want to hurt me, she said positively.No? There have been times, watching you in public, when I could scarcely bear not to touch you. When I was so tempted by your white throat, your little white throat with the faint blue veins beneath the skin His eyes were strict on her neck in a way that reminded her of Damons eyes, and she felt her heartbeat step up. Times when I thought I would grab you and force you right there in the school.Theres no need to force me, said Elena. She could feel her pulse everywhere now in her wrists and the inside of her elbows-and in her throat. Ive made my decision, Stefan, she said squashyly, holding his eyes. I want to.He swallowed thickly. You dont know what youre asking for. I think Ido . You told me how it was with Katherine, Stefan. I want it to be like that with us. I dont mean I want you to change me. But we can share a little without that happening, cant we? I know, she added, even more softly, how much you loved Katherine. But shes gone now, and Im here. And I love you, Stefan. I want to be with you.You dont know what youre talking about He was standing rigid, his face furious, his eyes anguished. If I once let go, whats tokeep me from changing you, or killing you? The passion is stronger than you can imagine. Dont you understand yet what I am, what I can do?She stood there and looked at him quietly, her chin raised slightly. It seemed to anger him.Havent you seen enough yet? Or do I have to show you more? Cant you picture what I might do to you? He strode over to the frigidity fireplace and snatched out a long piece of wood, thicker than both Elenas wrists together. With one motion, he snapped it in two like a match stick. Yourfragile bones, he said. across the room was a pillow from the bed he caught it up and with a slash of his nails left the silk cover in ribbons. Yoursoft skin. Then he moved toward Elena with supernatural quickness he was there and had hold of her shoulders before she knew what was happening. He scared into her face a moment, then, with a savage hiss that raised the hairs at the nape of her neck, drew his lips back.It was the same snarl shed seen on the roof, those white teeth bared, the canines grown to unbelievable length and sharpness. They were the fangs of a predator, a hunter. Your white neck, he said in a distorted voice.Elena stood par alyzed another instant, gazing as if compelled into that chilling visage, and then something deep in her unconscious took over. She reached up within the restraining circle of his arms and caught his face between her two hands. His cheeks were cool against her palms. She held him that way, softly, so softly, as if to reprove his hard grip on her bare shoulders. And she saw the confusion slowly come to his face, as he realized she was not doing it to fight him or to shove him away.Elena waited until that confusion reached his eyes, shattering his gaze, becoming almost a look of pleading. She knew that her own face was fearless, soft yet intense, her lips slightly parted. They were both breathing quickly now, together, in rhythm. Elena could feel it when he started to shake, trembling as he had when the memories of Katherine had become too much to bear. Then, very gently and deliberately, she drew that snarling let loose down to her own.He tried to oppose her. But her gentleness was stronger than all his inhuman strength. She shut her eyes and thought only of Stefan, not of the dreadful things she had learned tonight but of Stefan, who had stroked her hair as lightly as if she might break in his hands. She thought of that, and she kissed the predatory mouth that had threatened her a few minutes ago.She felt the change, the transformation in his mouth as he yielded, responding helplessly to her, meeting her soft kisses with equal softness. She felt the shudder go through Stefans body as the hard grip on her shoulders softened, too, becoming an embrace. And she knew shed won.You will never hurt me, she whispered.It was as if they were kissing away all the fear and desolation and loneliness inside them. Elena felt passion surge through her like summer lightning, and she could sense the answering passion in Stefan. But infusing everything else was a gentleness almost frightening in its intensity. There was no need for haste or roughness, Elena thought as Stefan gen tly point her to sit down.Gradually, the kisses grew more urgent, and Elena felt the summer lightning flicker all through her body, charging it, making her heart pound and her breath catch. It made her feel strangely soft and dizzy, made her shut her eyes and let her head fall back in abandon.Its time, Stefan, she thought. And, very gently, she drew his mouth down again, this time to her throat. She felt his lips array her skin, felt his breath warm and cool at once. Then she felt the sharp sting.But the pain faded almost instantly. It was replaced by a feeling of pleasure that made her tremble. A great rushing sweetness filled her, flowing through her to Stefan.At last she found herself gazing into his face, into a face that at last had no barriers against her, no walls. And the look she saw there made her feel weak.Do you trust me? he whispered. And when she simply nodded, he held her eyes and reached for something beside the bed. It was the dagger. She regarded it without fear, and then fixed her eyes again on his face.He never looked away from her as he unsheathed it and made a small cut at the base of his throat. Elena looked at it wide-eyed, at the blood as bright as holly berries, but when he urged her forward she did not try to resist him.Afterward he just held her a long time, while the crickets outside made their music. Finally, he stirred.I wish you could stay here, he whispered. I wish you could stay forever. But you cant.I know, she said, equally quiet. Their eyes met again in silent communion. There was so much to say, so many reasons to be together. Tomorrow, she said. Then, leaning against his shoulder, she whispered, Whatever happens, Stefan, Ill be with you. Tell me you believe that.His voice was hushed, muffled in her hair. Oh, Elena, I believe it. Whatever happens, well be together.